


to feel something

by uisgebeatha



Series: drabbles [3]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Fingering, BDSM Scene, Failed Scene, M/M, mental health, not really aftercare but its implied i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:26:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29255916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uisgebeatha/pseuds/uisgebeatha
Summary: His safeword floats around enticingly but he shatters that too. Giving up is giving in and as of yet, the bitterness has never won, won’t win, because Frank doesn’t know how to give up. He fights this way every time, worries Gerard to no end but selfishly, secretly loves it.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Series: drabbles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144430
Kudos: 17





	to feel something

**Author's Note:**

> i was going to write something filthy but i am so fucking hopeless so here is a depressing little snippet blah blah blah shite 
> 
> tw mental health issues, bad self image, failed scene, mention of ignoring safeword (but it doesnt actually happen)

“Another?” Gerard taunts, curling and spreading his fingers inside his lover teasingly. 

“N-no. Want-” That’s as far as Frank gets before Gerard loses his patience and slaps him hard on the thigh for his disrespect. It’s biting enough that Frank’s sure it will leave a mark, and the thought fuels him further, makes him want to disobey and face humiliation. 

“S’not really up to you, whore. You will be fucking _grateful_ when I offer to hear your opinions.” 

He sounds so angry and Franks flirting with a daydream, one where Gerard gets rougher, meaner, stops listening for their safeword. 

He knows Gerard won’t; the scene has been clearly planned, almost scripted, and Gerard will always be listening, trembling to his core with concern for going too far. 

But the week has been long and his brain is so loud, shivering in his skull and he needs Gerard to take away all of his control. Frank needs to be centered, held down and beaten. Needs to be stretched further than ever before, he wants marks to raise angrily from his skin to remind him of his place. 

The four fingers inside of him shift, and Gerard reaches for the lube purposefully loud enough for Frank to hear. He’s still talking but Frank doesn’t really care to listen, not when he’s so far inside his own head, beating against the walls, aching to rip himself apart. 

His safeword floats around enticingly but he shatters that too. Giving up is giving in and as of yet, the bitterness has never won, won’t win, because Frank doesn’t know how to give up. He fights this way every time, worries Gerard to no end but selfishly, secretly loves it. 

Frank’s so far removed he doesn’t even realise Gerard’s fingers leave completely, doesn’t feel Gerard move his whole body to lie next to him. It’s startling when an arm lays itself heavily over Frank’s waist, his legs dropping flat immediately. 

It’s the last straw for Frank; all of his emotions bubble aggressively, spilling out and fizzing through his ears as he breaks down. Gerard’s shushing him, hugging him closer from where he lays limply on the bed, but Frank’s not in control anymore - his body and mind running where he lays still, lapping him continually and he _just can’t keep up._

“Darling. I’m stopping this play.” Gerard whispers, right in Frank’s ear, breath floating down to his neck. The words settle on his skin, lie above the thin layer of cold sweat and stay there, a constant reminder of Frank’s failure. 

Water runs on the bedside unit as Gerard dips a cloth in, running the cold fabric down Frank’s skin and leaving kisses behind as he goes. 

Frank wishes Gerard would leave him alone. It makes him feel better to have his love with him and Gerard’s presence always brings a little bit of light in the darkest of rooms, but Frank doesn’t think he’s deserving of the heat. Almost every cell in his body reminds him that Gerard needs to get off, that Frank has disappointed him and Gerard’s secretly angry and just waiting for the right time to blow up in his face. It’s almost hopeless. 

But only almost though. Frank’s brain has slowed down, frozen a bit by the cold swipes across his skin and Frank feels like he can catch up, now. He’s still crying, lying pathetically on the bed, shivering and hiccuping, fingers twitching by his sides in abandoned attempts to touch Gerard. Even so, his head moves to look at his lover, and he squints just a bit. 

Gerard’s so warm, radiating beauty and light through a tiny little smile meant only for Frank. It’s the kind of intimacy he’s always wished for, fruitless prayers for every deity and solar faction that appear now to be not so fruitless. 

It’s still blurry, tears still dripping down his face and though Frank hasn’t ever really been sure of anything, one thing sticks tightly in the very front of his mind. 

Gerard isn’t giving up on him. 

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, ok,


End file.
